You
might ask yourself, “am I in love?” Well, I can’t answer that question for you;
even your closest friends, parents or teachers can’t, but only you can. Just
like I said, I can’t answer that question for you so I’ll just share my
experience in love and how I realized I’m in love.
It
started on our Brigada Eskwela when I was 1st year. I immediately
noticed her eyes, those beautiful eyes staring at me. They were like staring at
me all the time wherever I go, but of course that’s just my exaggeration but I
really can’t remove the picture of those beautiful eyes staring at me. From
then on, I have a crush on her. Let’s just call her The Girl.
The
good news was she was my classmate that time but the bad news was my
infatuation for her lessened when I met a beautiful, talented girl from the
other section. Let’s just call her JWEMY. We were MU (in mutual understanding,
a lower level than boyfriend/girlfriend) and I had forgotten The Girl. JWEMY
and I became closer and closer, had many exchanges of texts, chats and ‘I love
you’s. I love you? Yes, I said many ILY’s to her, but did I really mean it? Was
I sure that love was what I felt for her? Maybe it was just an exaggerated and
immature infatuation because, look, I was just 12 that time. But honestly I
cried and got hurt when the time came that she replaced me and didn’t like me
anymore. That was the first time I got hurt. But the question was do I really
love her?
I
decided to move on. While moving on, I started to notice The Girl again, her
looks, her beauty, her beautiful eyes; she became more beautiful than before or
maybe because I stopped looking at her like that for a long time but still,
she’s always beautiful for me. I started to try to win her heart just in
texting, facebook chatting and sometimes telling jokes when we’re talking in
person.
February
4, 2012, she became my girlfriend. That was a Saturday. I was happy that she’s
now my girlfriend that time. But, February 7, 2012, I did something stupid. A
friend of JWEMY talked to me and asked me if I still like JWEMY. I didn’t
answer. She just told me that JWEMY still likes me that time and if I broke up
with The Girl, JWEMY and I will be together. You know what I did? I broke up
with The Girl, stupid right? Why did I do that and still chose the girl who mostly
talk to me in facebook chats and texts rather than in person? Maybe I was
blinded by my exaggerated infatuation for her. I hurt The Girl. :/
Weeks
passed and I noticed myself feeling numb for JWEMY. We were still exchanging
ILY’s but I was already not feeling the same feeling I have for her before. I
decided to stop it and I came back to The Girl. She was so kind that she gave
me the second chance. I promised that I will do my best to make it up to her. I
didn’t fail. ^_^ Maybe, she’s the one! March 9, 2012, she became my girlfriend
again. I was so happy that time again and I promised that she will never regret
this.
Everything
was perfect until summer vacation. I think that was May that she started to
become cold with me. Our texts lessened. I didn’t notice that she was becoming
farther and farther from me, then I lost her. At first I can handle it because
I was busy that summer doing random things, but still when I think of her, my
heart aches and it became more painful seeing her GM’s (group messages) showing
her that she’s finer, happier or more okay without me. I lost my enthusiasm in
going to school. In our Brigada Eskwela in my 2nd year, I didn’t
almost attend in it because of her. I even thought of transferring because I
thought I can’t continue seeing her happy without me with the fact that she
left me. Was I truly in love with her? The answer is too obvious guys.
Sophomore
year started, I tried my best in studying, ignoring her and stopping myself
staring at her whenever I see her. But, I couldn’t help it, I love her. She had
a new crush that time. Well, he’s good in dancing and has the looks and I want
to say that I am thankful that I knew that she had a crush on that guy. Well,
the reason is that it was because of him that I tried to be a good dancer. I wanted
to be a better dancer than him that’s why I practiced, so I thank him. By
the way, I thank her best friend that time because she was the only one that
helped me have updates about her including knowing her crush. I would say that
I was obsessed of her. There was a time that I gave my whole ipon for her in the voting for Mr and Ms
ICT. I also took a video of her talent portion in the said contest.
I
got used to it; seeing her, staring at her though she’s staring to her crush. I
thought the pain was gone. Then I met this girl. Let’s call her The Angel. She
was my classmate that year. She’s beautiful, kind, the shy-type, and quiet.
She’s also in the top 10 of our batch. I became close to her, well, because I’m
really close to girls not the way that I’m a chick boy. I was always happy
whenever I talk to her. She was fun to talk to. Then, we became closer to each other. We
always text and facebook chat. Until, we fell in love with each other. But, I
think that was a wrong move. I thought that I forgot The Girl, that I didn’t
love her anymore. But then, I was wrong.
I
became a contestant of the Dansport in our Intramurals and at the same time was
chosen to be one of the Sayawit members. Unfortunately, The Girl was in those
contests also, so every practice of either contest, we see each other. There,
we became close again. Then, the time came that I said that I still feel the
same way for her before; she answered back and said that she also feel the same
way. It was a happy moment for me, but in the other hand, I left The Angel. I hurt
her. I broke her heart. Maybe I truly love her but not the way I love The Girl.
I was happy with her but maybe she was just a loving friend for me.
September
2, 2012, The Girl became my girlfriend again. We were happy that time loving
and having each other but I told her that the fact that she left me last time,
I just gave her another chance. Well, she didn’t fail until the summer vacation
again. It was like a déjà vu. We broke up and later on I knew that she had been
texting and chatting another guy. I gave up. I let go of her. I didn’t make any
mess between them. I made a distance for them. I knew that she’s happier and
that the guy was a better man. I let her go because I love her.
I
moved on. But one night, I was lonely and started crying. I was holding my cell
phone that time and I want to call someone, I want to talk to someone. The
first person who came out of my mind is The Angel. I called her and didn’t
disappoint me. She comforted me like a sister, like a friend, like a best
friend. After that, I call her most of the time. We became best friends and we
call each other Bhest. She was always there for me whenever I was lonely. I
thought I love her.
We
became sweet best friends. I became sweet to her. But, I said I love her. I
didn’t know that she loved me like my love for The Girl. But, déjà vu, The Girl
came back to me and I left The Angel again, hurt her again, and broke her heart
again; I just love The Girl more than her. I don’t know why, but I do. Maybe she’s
just really a good, kind and loving best friend for me.
Now,
I’m sure that I really love The Girl. She left me but still gave her another
chance. But, the fact that I really love her, I’m always ready to let her go,
to give her happiness though it doesn’t include me. Loving is not just letting
her go and moving on, but moving on and still cares for her, to always watch
her to be there for her if no one else is. Why? It’s simple, I love her. But, there’s
one thing to remember. Though I will always be here for her, it’s her last
chance now to be with me. I don’t want to be hurt again.
So,
you might ask me. Have I been in love? What’s the feeling to be in love? What’s
my definition of love? Well, I think I have already answered it and I hope you
weren’t bored in reading my experience. ^_^
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